This is one of the reasons people fall into addiction that doesn’t get enough respect. Everyone understands trauma as a driver, or grief, or depression. Fewer people understand that emptiness can be just as dangerous, because emptiness makes people desperate. Desperate people don’t choose healthy coping tools, they choose whatever changes the state fast. Alcohol, cannabis, pills, stimulants, whatever is easiest to access, whatever promises a break from the grey.
In South Africa, this plays out in different ways depending on context. For some, it’s the boredom of unemployment and being stuck, applying and waiting, applying and waiting, while life continues without you. For others, it’s the boredom of grinding in a job that pays the bills but leaves no meaning behind. For others, it’s the boredom of living with constant stress where joy feels irresponsible. It’s important to say this clearly, boredom is not always a luxury problem. It can be a symptom of chronic stress, isolation, disconnection, and a life built around survival rather than purpose. Substances become attractive because they offer a cheap version of meaning, at least for a few hours.
When boredom becomes a threat
There’s a point where boredom stops being annoying and starts feeling like panic. It’s when a person realises they can’t remember the last time they felt genuinely excited about anything. They scroll, they watch, they eat, they distract, and still feel flat. They start chasing bigger stimulation because small stimulation no longer works. They need louder music, later nights, riskier choices, stronger substances, more intensity.
This is not because they’re thrill seekers by nature. It’s because their brain has learned that “normal” equals dull and “dull” equals discomfort. That discomfort isn’t always conscious sadness. Sometimes it’s irritability. Sometimes it’s restlessness. Sometimes it’s a constant need to escape the room they’re in. If a substance provides immediate state change, the brain stores that as a solution.
Families often miss this driver because it doesn’t look like crisis. The person might not be crying. They might not be obviously depressed. They might simply become cynical, withdrawn, sarcastic, bored with everyone, bored with life, bored with themselves. They may start saying things like, “Nothing matters,” “It’s all the same,” “I’m just tired,” “I need a drink,” “I need to switch off.” Those are not always throwaway lines. Those can be early warning signs that someone is living in emotional starvation.
The weekend trap
A very common pattern is the weekday endurance, weekend escape cycle. People tolerate Monday to Friday, then they explode into Friday night like it’s oxygen. They drink harder, use more, stay out later, chase intensity, and tell themselves it’s normal because everyone does it. The weekend becomes the only time they feel alive, social, confident, or free.
The danger is that the brain learns a brutal association, sobriety equals boredom and using equals life. Monday then feels like punishment. Tuesday feels like waiting. Wednesday becomes counting down. Thursday becomes planning. Friday becomes release. That cycle trains a person to hate their own life while pretending it’s fine.
Once that association is set, the person often starts using earlier. Not because they suddenly became reckless, but because the boredom and flatness of the week becomes unbearable. The drink after work becomes two. The smoke before bed becomes nightly. The pill becomes routine. The stimulant becomes a tool to make the week tolerable. People call this “unwinding.” In reality, it’s often the early stage of dependence, because the person is no longer using for celebration. They are using for emotional survival.
Why emptiness can be a stronger relapse trigger than pain
Pain has a story. Pain can be spoken about. Pain can be justified. Emptiness is harder because it feels like nothing, and nothing is terrifying. People relapse when they feel pointless because the substance gives instant structure. It gives a plan for the evening. It gives a reason to leave the house. It gives a predictable change in mood. It gives a sense of time passing.
This is why “just stop using” approaches often fail for people whose addiction is driven by emptiness. If you take away the substance and you don’t replace the emotional reward system, the person wakes up to the same grey life with fewer coping tools. They feel exposed, restless, and flat. They may be proud of sobriety and still feel miserable. That misery becomes the relapse seed, because the brain remembers exactly how to switch misery off quickly.
If treatment is honest, it has to address this directly. Not with motivational posters and generic advice. With real structure, real routines, real social connection, and real goals that rebuild self respect. The person needs to build a life that feels worth being sober for, otherwise sobriety becomes punishment.
The stimulation addiction
Some people fall into addiction because their brain becomes addicted to stimulation itself. They can’t sit in quiet. They can’t tolerate boring tasks. They can’t tolerate slow progress. They need immediate reward. Substances fit perfectly into that wiring because they produce immediate shifts.
This is also where other behaviours often sit alongside substance use, excessive scrolling, gambling, risky sex, impulsive spending, binge eating, endless entertainment. The brain becomes trained to chase dopamine spikes rather than steady satisfaction. Normal life then feels unbearable because normal life is slow. Relationships are slow. Building a career is slow. Healing family trust is slow. Getting fit is slow. Saving money is slow. The person becomes impatient with anything that doesn’t give a hit immediately, and substances are the fastest hit.
In South Africa, this is intensified by stress and instability. When the environment feels uncertain, people crave immediate relief more. They don’t trust the future, so they take whatever makes the present bearable. That’s not laziness. That’s nervous system logic. The problem is that nervous system logic can still destroy your life if you keep feeding it with chemicals.
Why work and money don’t protect you from this kind of addiction
One of the biggest mistakes families make is assuming that if someone is employed and paying bills, they’re fine. High functioning addiction thrives on this misunderstanding. People can hold a job and still be dependent. They can perform and still be emotionally empty. In fact, some of the most stable looking lives are the emptiest internally, because the person has built their entire identity around performance, not meaning.
They work, they grind, they show up, and then they collapse into substances because it’s the only time their brain switches off. They may not even enjoy using. They may simply feel relief. Relief becomes the only reward they can feel. Over time, they stop doing anything that creates natural reward, hobbies, sport, friendships, creativity, nature, service, because those things require energy and presence. Substances require less effort for more immediate effect. That’s how life shrinks while the bank balance stays stable, and families miss the danger until it’s serious.
Stop feeding the boredom narrative and start demanding reality
Families often respond to boredom driven addiction by offering entertainment solutions. Go out more. Find a hobby. Travel. Those ideas can help, but they often miss the deeper issue. The person doesn’t need more distractions. They need a way to tolerate ordinary life and still feel value.
Families can help by encouraging structure, supporting treatment, and refusing to enable the substance as the default reward. That might mean refusing to keep alcohol in the house. It might mean refusing to fund social scenes that are clearly substance centred. It might mean insisting the person gets assessed when mood and motivation have collapsed. It also means being honest about what you’re seeing, your life is shrinking, you’re using to feel alive, you’re losing interest in everything else, and this isn’t just “fun.”
That honesty will cause conflict. Addiction hates having its role exposed. But exposure is what creates change, because it forces the person to face the truth, the substance isn’t adding life, it’s replacing life.
Because people are starving for meaning
Addiction can begin as a search for colour in a life that feels grey. It can begin as a way to make time pass, to feel something, to belong, to escape the quiet panic of pointlessness. If that’s the driver, the solution isn’t shame and slogans. The solution is building a life with real rewards, real structure, real connection, and real self respect, so sobriety doesn’t feel like deprivation, it feels like coming back to your own life.